Stupid, Stupid, Period!

Ugh! I have eaten and eaten so much junk I think I might explode. This monthly is bad. I want mexican food so bad. So yesterday Jordan and I go to Rosas I tried to be good I got a nacho salad. I didn't eat all the chips , thats being good right? Then for dinner I had ham and cheese and nuts. I went way over my calorie count for the day. And I still have the mexican food craving. Another thing is I have had at least one Bailey's and coke everyday. I don't know why I just want one. Maybe cause I'm so fricken bored. I am not gonna weigh untill Monday. I hope I can be strong over the weekend. Well Jeff has decided to stay at Multi-Chem. Knowing what you make from week to week and having weekends and holidays off won the battle. Thank God!!! Jordan is doing really good out at the KOA , he is walking the 4 miles now. It takes us longer cause I don't want to get to far in front of him. Today I'm going to let him get way in front of me. I'm wanting to do another lap around, but Jordan doesn't. I really want to lose 5 pounds before I see my mom in two weeks. I guess I need to stop eating crap and drinking then huh? I bought a corset thingy and a waiste trimmer belt for walking yesterday at WalMart. I don't think this corset thing is the right size. And i bought one that is a solid piece so I have to shimmy in it. It was a little tight which I know its suppose to be, but when I went to sit down it kinda rolled in weird ways. I don't know maybe I should have got one with the eye hooks. Any way I'm gonna wear the trimmer belt today when I walk and then after the shower I'm gonna try the corset again. Okay on to some drama; Cole received a letter from the county jail yesterday. It was from some guy named Richard. I'm like huh, the only person we know in jail is Doug. So being the nosey mother that I am I opened it. Yep from Doug. In the letter he tells Cole that this Richard knows him from school and so he has been telling Doug all about Cole from school. Doug also said he was afraid I wouldn't let him have the letter if I knew it was from him thats why it said it was from Richard. Blah Blah... so anyway he proceeds to tell Cole that he is sorry for not being the dad he should have been and reallly hopes that Cole would write him back or come to see him so that they could salvage some kind of relationship. Blah Blah again...Told Cole how he wished he would have had the money to pay, but just doesn't. Thats about it just pure poor Doug shit. So I read the letter to Cole . He is undecided if he wants anything to do with him. I think Cole should call Doyle( he is the only family that has ever had anything to do with Cole) and tell Doyle to tell Doug that action speaks louder than words. When he gets out of jail if he wants to have any kind of relationship with him then call him. I feel this way cause Doug has always pulled on Cole's heart strings everytime he got busted for non child support payments. Then after a few days Doug would disapear again. So if he wants to know Cole he needs to work at it. I haven't told Cole how I feel yet , cause I really wanted to know how he feels about all this. I know he must be angry inside. That whole family has had nothing to do with him in years. And they all know he has his own phone , so they never even had to call me to talk to him. For Cole's sake I really hope he doesn't have anything to do with any of them.. Pieces of shit that just through him away. Even when Doug lived in the same town as us and lived right down the street from us , he never called Cole or came by. If he saw Cole outside he would just wave and keep driving. Who does that to there own flesh and blood. Scum pure Scum!!!