drunk so bare with me

The showing of the house went well..I took Brendy's advice and put the dogs on a leash and we hung out in the front yard while the strangers looked at our house.. My anxiety was so much better.. having them see me and my dogs ..and for them to know that I see them.. I think the whole anxiety thing is that I am alone so much that if one of these lookers are bad and they decide to come to my house late at night. Well today having them see my huge dog and two other loud mouths really made me feel better...I am feeling pretty good at the moment though I should have eaten more than two pieces of pizza this afternoon.. hope I won't be sick later...Okay so I'm going to vent a bit if you dont want to  hear it stop reading now............... I am lonely , I truely am... when my husband is home he is on the computer.. don't get me wrong he is a great husband and I love him very much, but I want something from him that he's not giving me.. I feel like all the excitement is gone from our marriage.. I have tried talking to him about it, but it just comes out wrong.. I know we are old now and been together for 16years, but I'm wanting more.. honestly I think the last time he has even kissed me with passion was so long ago I don't even remember..I want that .. I want passion and sex appeal . I want clothes ripping and hot sex... sorry but I like sex (when its good) I want to feel like I'm sexy and beautiful not fat and married...I want to be center of attention, I want to be flurted with and made to blush.. I want to go out with friends and have a great time instead of being in bed by 10 on a saturday night... I'm only 40 not 70.. My kids are older now and I'm ready to start having fun.. all my younger years were used raising my children , now I feel like its my turn to start having fun.. I feel like I'm going to explode. Then the rational me, the mother hen kicks in and I feel so guilty for wanting fun time.. I want to go dancing, its so not fair.. Jeff used to dance with me all the time when I was married to Doug, now he never wants too.. I keep thinking that maybe I should get a job so I would have a life other than whats in this house, but I can't .. not right now.. Even if we do move I still have to wait till Jordan done with school or he has a job...I feel like I'm sufficating, I think thats why I drink so much. Jeff never wants to do anything and I know its because he works 70 hours a week so I don't make a fuss about it, but I need to have some fun...okay I'm done